


Not her first (not even her second)

by loosingletters



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Dick Grayson is Batman, Dissociation, Female Bruce Wayne, Gen, Jason Todd is the Major Character Death, Mother-Son Relationship, Post Ethiopia, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 21:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20607248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loosingletters/pseuds/loosingletters
Summary: Rachel Wayne’s son wasdeadand thesevulturesasked her what she would name her first child.The baby certainly wasn’t her first child.(Not even her second.)





	Not her first (not even her second)

**Author's Note:**

> Idk. I've wanted to read some Fem Bruce fanfics but I already read all of them and actually this was supposed to be set during Jason's return but this happened instead.  
Alright folks, it's 1am I'm going to bed now.  
Have fun!

Her son was dead. His bones had been broken into fragments and his skin had been burned off. The smell haunted her still. She hadn’t been able to stomach any meat in weeks because the scent of the roasted flesh took her right back to Ethiopia and its horrors. She had cleaned his wounds on the flight back, bandaged them needlessly and stitched them back together like she had expected them to regenerate.

Heal.

(She hadn’t stopped hoping until they lowered his closed coffin into the ground and the priest asked her if she wanted to say something and she hadn’t been able to open her mouth.)

Rachel Wayne’s son was _dead_ and these _vultures_ asked her what she would name her first child.

The baby certainly wasn’t her first child.

(Not even her second.)

Rachel opened her mouth to- what? She wasn’t sure. She certainly felt like shouting in their faces would be much more cathartic than actually answering their question. She curled her hands to fist, her perfectly manicured nails dug into her palms and it would be so easy to raise her arms and ruin their faces. Rachel liked to work out and she wasn’t getting rid of enough energy since she had learned of her pregnancy.

(Since Alfred had sat her down after a rough night of almost putting Scarecrow into the graveyard and told her. She hadn’t known, she hadn’t been eating properly, she had taken too many hits as Batman – but her baby at least was still alive and healthy. She had been in the Cave since, but she hadn’t dared to touch the suit. The monument to all her failures.)

Instead, someone put an arm around her shoulders, making her tense first, but relax when he began to speak.

“Sorry, ladies, but I’ve got to steal away your host for a second.”

Dick had come back after the funeral, after she had already _known_. They had shouted at each other and with every vicious curse thrown, Rachel had grown more satisfied. Her eldest would stay away and there would be no more sons to bury.

(Except Tim Drake was lingering in the corners of the ballroom right now. Rachel wasn’t Batman anymore, and no songbirds flew in Gotham’s sky, but Tim Drake had come – and stayed – either way.)

Dick had come back a week later, even more heartbroken because she had told Clark of the baby before she had told him.

(She hadn’t said a word to Clark. He had come to the manor to be a better friend than she deserved and had seen right through her.)

And since then Dick was staying. He moved into an apartment in Gotham, took up her mantle, ate dinner with them every other evening and was there for every stupid doctor’s appointment Rachel didn’t actually need because she could check on the baby on her own in the safety of her home.

(Which she still did. Every time she woke up from a nightmare. She didn’t have regular dreams anymore.)

Dick maneuvered her out of the ballroom, chatting away with all the guests, successfully directing people’s attention away from her.

(It had been the first thing she had taught him almost eleven years ago now.)

They made their way up the stairs and turned into the part of the manor where Rachel conducted official business. Her office was here, as well as the meeting room she favored when members from the League came over.

(It had a direct connection to the Cave.)

They went to her office, and as soon as the door closed behind them, Dick locked it and lost his suit jacket.

“If I have to answer one more question about which designer made this suit, I’m going to throw it in the trash and set it on fire.”

Rachel leaned against her desk and crossed her arms. “You better not. Do you have any idea how much it cost to get it custom made on such short notice?”

“Well, no. That’s the _point_. I bet you don’t know either.”

Dick grinned triumphantly, his weight shifted to his toes so he was leaning forward. It was a habit he already had a young boy. Whenever he thought he was correct and winning a bet, he’d already prepare himself for leaping into a jump.

Rachel rolled her eyes, but couldn’t stop herself from smiling. Truth be told, she was happy that Dick was back and that they were talking again. She had missed him. Sometimes he mentioned events or plans she hadn’t aware of and she was reminded bitterly that they had spent months without exchanging a single word.

“You know Alfred picks out the suits.”

“True. Hey, remember that time when Alfie went to England for ages and forgot to take me to a tailor?”

Rachel nodded, and that was all Dick needed as permission to latch onto the story and recount it much grander than Rachel recalled the spontaneous costume party the Halloween ball had become. Up until then, guest stuck to the Halloween theme but dressed formally still. That year everybody had gone all out – and it had stayed a costume party until now.

This year, by the time Halloween rolled around, she could be in labor, or maybe holding her baby already.

“And then Wally said-“

“It’s a girl,” Rachel interrupted Dick.

The young man, her son, her _eldest_, stopped talking and mustered her calmly. Dick’s attempt at calming her down hadn’t been subtle, but it had worked. The least she could do was tell him.

(She knew it wasn’t supposed to be this way. She should be open and happy to share her thoughts. Dick was _family_.)

“The baby is a girl. I’ve known for a while.”

(Ever since the scans had been able to tell. She had been so relieved that her baby wasn’t a boy, she’d felt guilty.)

“But I have decided on a name this morning.”

Dick stayed silent, evidently giving her a chance to back out again. Unlike with all the gossipers downstairs, she actually wanted Dick to know.

“Elinor Wayne. Ellie for short. I’m not sure about her middle name yet. I thought of Joanne, maybe. Or Jessica. Something-“ _Starting with a J_ “- similar to that.”

Dick mumbled the name a few times, a thoughtful expression on his face. Then he began to smile, bright and happy like he always used to.

“I like it! It’s a good name, optimal for nicknaming.”

“She already has a nickname.”

Dick shook his head. “Yes, okay, but imagine: Ellie-berry.”

“No.”

“Nellie-mellie,“ Dick continued as he slowly made his way over to the door again and unlocked it. “Ella. E-Jay.”

“Those aren’t even good-“

“Lili. Sunshine- no!”

Dick’s eyes twinkled mischievously.

“Batbaby,” he announced proudly. “I’ll buy her a Batgirl onesie as soon as she’s born. Get those rumors of you and Gotham’s terrifying masked vigilante rolling again.”

“I will disown you, Richard John Grayson. Don’t you dare buy any hero merchandise for her.”

(She wouldn’t. Never again.)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
I'd love to hear what you think!


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